One of the first things you read or you are told as a new mom is to remember to take care of yourself. “Yeah, yeah I know. I am,” I would say. But as I strived to do better as a mom my self-care was losing priority. So it shouldn’t have been a surprise that one of the first things I heard in treatment was that I needed to take time out for myself. I remember thinking, “If I had time for myself, I would already be doing it” because an hour away a day seemed impossible. In truth, it was very hard to do, and I didn’t manage it often; as time went on, I tried to find ways to take care of myself throughout the day.
When my anxiety is off the charts I often forget to eat when I am so focused on meeting others needs. I remember one day as I was trying to decide what to do with some left over blueberries, I thought, “Eat the blueberries!” I laugh now, but at that moment I was really mad at myself for even having a dilemma of what to do with those silly berries. Now I have an alarm on my phone to remind me to do something fun just for me.
I hadn’t gotten myself anything new in a long while, and I really didn’t mind because there were necessities to get for the family. One thing I longed to do was buy some fresh flowers for myself. When I would look at them at the store I often thought , “They are so beautiful, but I can’t get them for just me.”
Until...one day, I did. I think it was earlier this summer that I bought the flowers. I picked out the prettiest ones and without guilt went through the checkout. That day $6.50 was best spent on some flowers for me than anything else I could have gotten in that store.
There are lots of ways now that I try to take care of myself better (in no particular order):
1) take a longer shower even before the kids are asleep for the night
2) eat a favorite thing without guilt
3) read or listen to favorite music
4) walk a little slower in a store and look around
5) take time again to fix my hair
6) waste some time playing a game
7) read my Bible and other encouraging materials
8) take the nap I need without guilt
9) have fun with my husband
10) have fun with my kids
11) write and draw again
12) spend some time outside
13) go to bed earlier (yuk! but needed)
14) chat with a friend via text, im, phone call, or yea!!!! in person
15) knit and crochet
I try to again to take time for anything that I enjoy and that reminds me that I am valuable. If all else fails, it’s called “MOMMY NEEDS A TIME OUT!” I head to the bathroom, close my eyes, and breathe. Because in a few seconds I will hear my son say, “Are you sorry? Come to the couch and play trains.”
When I started this journey over a year ago I didn’t know how to take care of myself any more. If you are at step one, may I suggest: 1) Wash your face and get dressed 2) Do something you have fun doing. There is always work that needs to be done, but sometimes we need to put ourselves at the top of the list so that we can get on with caring for our family. You can’t give what you don’t have. Your family wants time with you more than anything else.
