Wanting to feel

Wanting to feel better
For the panic to let go
Hoping for a day
The pain won't show.

Facing the evil and my innocence stolen

In the place I always hide
Numbness takes over
No drugs needed
 too much pain  & float away.

Only for a time can I be there because now I am needed here

Even if only a face in the crowd.
I have to focus to come back
What do I see, smell, taste?
Can I hear my breath or 
Feel anything?

Dissociating served me well as a child
But as an adult it’s not the best coping style
I miss too much, feel too little
It is a fight to stay and not drift away.

 

Loved ones hurt when I am away
They just love me and want me near everyday

I can stand up to you Fear and break free because greater is He in me than in you.