Opening the Door to my Fear and Anger

Dear Readers,

  There was a time when the only way I could express my fear and anger was to write about them in poems, because I thought of them as negative and shameful emotions, and could not express them openly.   The most critical thing I have learned is that I have to feel what I feel instead of denying it.   To feel fear or anger is to be human and not bad, but I often felt that I couldn’t allow myself to feel these emotions, much less express them to anyone, because as a child I wasn’t allowed to express anger, and fear protected me in situations where I had no control.

Free from my Cage of Fear

Fear,

You entered my life at a very young age.

You have haunted me

taunted me and drove me to hide in your cage.


I see you now and I accept that you are a part of of me

But I take myself back from the clutches of thee.


I face you with all the courage that is within me and tell you to GO!

I will not live by your dictation any more caught in your pit of woe.


I choose to no longer live in your cage but to be free

to live in the deliverance of Christ's perfect love for me.


When I am afraid I will not go back into your cage of fear

because I KNOW my Lord Jesus Christ is always near.

                                          Written  September 17, 2011

Anger

How I hate how you make me feel

With you I don’t know how to deal

I

 want you out of my life

To cut you out with a knife

I hear I am supposed to feel you

That is the last thing I want to do

Denying you has gotten me here

It is time to bring you near

To face you with all my courage

Time for the child and me to mirage

Feel it, express it, and give it away

When I just want to hid from it another day

So I lie on my bed and think about you

What I have allowed you to do

Thinking I could control you only lead me away

From the person God plans for me to be today

It’s not for the weary to do

To be brave and stand up to you.

Written 10-13-11